This one is free, Hollywood

The details of the plot are not important. For the purposes of my dissertation, the following clip I feel arms you with all the requisite context: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHNieMwYbmQ&feature=player_detailpage#t=122s

There you have your typical "guy getting hit in the groin" moment; that the damage was inflicted by an overactive child makes the instance all the more unremarkable. It's the go-to ploy in any comedy that plays off a sort of slapstick element. But I think even a movie like this could afford to take a bit of a gamble and try a new go-to trope. Nothing too extreme, just something to inject a bit of freshness into a formula that is showing its age. My idea for where this film could have gone could work especially well I think because it plays off the actors specifically. This movie, for example, might have benefited from omitting the "hit in the groin" jokes in lieu of something along the lines of, say, multiple scenes of Adam Sandler having a heart attack.

You could have basically the same moment juxtaposed against various backdrops, making for an amusing callback. One scene could, for example, take place in an elevator overlooking Paris: Imagine a version of that trailer in which is included a brief interlude to a shot of Sandler standing in a glass elevator, the window behind him opening up to a picturesque view of the Paris skyline on a clear Spring day- I can picture the plotting vividly- when suddenly he lets out a sharp, anguished grunt, grasping at his chest and sinking to the floor as the mandala of the Place de l'Étoile junction rises prominently in the background. It'd even mitigate the annoyance factor of the trailer's repeated use of the "music goes quiet on the beat of a punchline" trope.

(bouncy pop love song playing)

Once you start a LIE...

... it's hard to STOP.

(Record scratch, followed by silence)

Sandler is in a regally regally decorated Bangladeshi restaurant where a vivd cerise paint job contrasts smartly with a smattering of humbly framed parchment and assorted vases sporting elaborate golden floral designs. Suddenly he clutches his chest, letting out an anguished grunt as he stumbles and knocks some decor and silverware off a table as he sinks again to the floor, dragging the neatly laid out tablecloth down over himself like a shroud. The warm, indirect lighting playing off his face aptly accentuates Sandler's sickly pallor.

It's quite basic, I know, but I hope Hollywood will see fit to lend an ear and try implementing some of these suggestions in the near future.

On the Subject of Gondola Lifts (script)

"WE BROKE THE CAR"

EXT. CABLE CAR HILLSIDE- DAY

A Cable Car moves downhill along it's route towards a station. The people look out at the scenery, pointing, snapping pictures, etc.

INT. EXT. CABLE CAR DOCKING STATION, HILLSIDE- DAY

Some ENGINEERS look out as the car hovers in toward it's station, but look worried as the car's approach reveals it's remarkable velocity.

With the panicked push of a few buttons, the car violently CRASHES and GRINDS it's way into the dock.

People SCREAM and some engineers YELL, all is in disarray as the scarred car dangles pathetically on it's cable.

INT. MANAGER'S OFFICE- DAY

Two engineers enter, the MANAGER looks up from some paperwork.

MANAGER
What happened?

ENGINEER 1
Well sir... see,
here's the thing...

ENGINEER 2
We were bringing in
the car to dock, and...

ENGINEER 1
...and you're not gonna
be mad, but...

ENGINEER 2
We sorta crashed
the cable car sir.

MANAGER
What!

The manager gets up and rushes out to the balcony where he surveys the carnage. As he rushes past, they hurriedly try to explain:

ENGINEER 1
...But the damage is
mostly just superficial!

ENGINEER 2
And the damage to the
passengers is mostly emotional,
they said.

ENGINEER 1
All except that one guy
who got totally
dismembered.

ENGINEER 2
Yeah. That one was unlucky.

The manager hunches over the railing, looking with horror at the scene below:

The cable car, now taped off like a crime scene, emits black smoke. Casualties lie on the ground as medical personnel rush around, moving and treating the injured while teams of police are ordered around.

MANAGER
Jesus Christ almighty!

The Manager whips around and grabs one of the engineers (1) by the collar.

MANAGER
YOU. HAVE. RUIEND ME!!

ENGINEER 1
Yeah, well. Honestly
I can't understand how
it got do damaged anyway.

ENGINEER 2
Didn't look to be moving
so fast, really.

ENGINEER 1
'Til it got close.

ENGINEER 2
Yeah and then, you
know. Woah.

ENGINEER 1
Really must've only
been going about 15
miles an hour, tops.

ENGINEER 2
But that's fast enough
with something that big
I guess.

ENGINEER 1
Quite a bit of
velocity on it.

The Manager lets go, and walks away, defeated.

MANAGER
This will be a PR
disaster. We'll never
recover from this.

Below, some news reporters can be seen rushing into the scene.

MANAGER
Ahh, son of a god-
damned bitch!

He collects his thoughts for a moment. After a while, one of the engineers breaks the silence:

ENGINEER 2
Well, it's still not as
bad as the disaster in '94.

ENGINEER 1
Yeah. The test failure.
I still have nightmares
about that.

MANAGER
But that was kept under
wraps for months! These
goddamned reporters
are gonna have a field
day with this!

A dark look crosses his face. Some reporters spot him, pointing up to the balcony. They begin rushing toward the stairs.

MANAGER
...How did this happen.

The Engineers look at each other, but stay silent.

MANAGER
I WANT ANSWERS, GODDAMNIT.

Behind the enraged Manager, a flood of papparatzi can be seen ascending the stairs, crowding round. They flood the manager with questions as camera bulbs FLASH:

REPORTERS
Is it true this is the
work of terrorists?

What do you have to say
about the disaster?

Do you have a comment
on today's tragedy?

etc...

ENGINEER 1
...Well, we thought the new
guy set the lever a
bit too low, but it didn't
seem like such a-...

He is cut off as the Manager whips round to rush through the crowd of reporters, making his way toward a meek looking engineer who is still standing around with some others on the dock below.

MANAGER
YOU FUCKER!!

The Engineer looks terrified as the Manager advances on him.

The Manager grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him over to the wreckage of the car.

MANAGER
YOU SEE?! YOU SEE
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU
DON'T TAKE THE JOB
SERIOUSLY?!

MANAGER 3
Sir, I...

MANAGER
RAAAAAAAAAGH!!

The Manager ROARS as he PUNCHES the engineer in the face. The young man crumples to the floor, utterly ruined.

The media crowd around and frenzy at the violence.

REPORTERS
He's gone crazy!

He's going to kill his
employee!

What a scoop!

etc....

The Manager turns to face the reporters.

MANAGER
YOU WANT A STORY?! I'LL
GIVE YOU A GODDAMNED STORY!!

The Manager TAPS away at some uncharacteristically complex-looking panels near the control lever, and hits a conspicuous red button.

The panel DISCHARGES electricity and BEEPS chaotically.

MANAGER
... I'll see you IN HELL.

The reporters look in terror at the panel as it goes haywire.

The Manager rushes over and picks up the injured employee.

MANAGER
...Looks like we're in
it together from here on
out, son.

He HOISTS the barely conscious man above his head and leaps off the edge of the dock, yelling:

MANAGER
I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOOOOUU!!!

The first two engineers look over the balcony, horrified.

ENGINEER 1
He's jumped!

ENGINEER 2
And he's taking Tommy
down to hell with 'im!

The panel BLASTS the reporters with energy, skeletonizing them bloodily.

As the Manager falls to his death:

MANAGER
FFFFFFFUUUUUCK!!

INT. SCREENING ROOM

The scene freezes, revealed as only a movie playing on a projector.

PRESENTER
...and THAT is why we
always mind the controls!

His small audience looks incredulous.

PRESENTER
...Are there any questions?

One STUDENT raises his hand.

STUDENT
Are you completely insane,
by chance?

PRESENTER
YES.

END.

I guess something is better than nothing?

"God damn it!" "RRRRRAAAAAAAAAGH!" screamed Officer Dan.

At this, he impulsively swatted at the porcelain lamp on the end table, with greater force than he'd intended, and it was sent hurtling across the room into the wall where it shattered with a cacophonous resound.

For a moment, he stopped short as rage was dissipated by an influx of adrenaline.

In the same instant the Chief burst through the door into the office. His eyes scanned the room as he mouthed a silent "what the fuck," and his eyes fell upon the sad remains of the lamp, following its path of travel to the desk where it once sat, beside which a now red-faced Officer Dan stood, stock still. The Chief's hand gripped involuntarily on the doorknob.

"Aw, you stupid piece of shit!" he hollered.